Independent woman burnout is real — and it doesn’t feel like freedom. It feels like fatigue, pressure, and going it all alone.
About a year ago, I had a conversation with a guy friend who’d liked me since college. It was one of those conversations where your brain short-circuits because you know the logic makes sense, but your trauma, pride, and generational conditioning won’t let you accept it.
Me: Man, I wish I could get my teeth fixed. I went to the dentist and had a cry session in the parking lot. With the cavities, the cleaning, the bridge… I see why women strip. Too bad I ain’t got the body for it. Laughs awkwardly
Him: How much would it cost?
Me: $15,000. Unless I pick up another job, it ain’t happening.
Him: What if we were in a relationship and I moved in? I make about what you make. We could split bills, and I’d pay for the dental work so you can smile with confidence again.
Me: I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want to live with anyone.
Him: You don’t want a relationship with me.
Me: I don’t care if you were LaKeith Stanfield. I’m not letting a man in my life right now. Period.
We haven’t talked since April 2023.
But here’s the truth:
He made a tempting offer.
A man and woman combining forces to bring each other peace and stability? That sounds almost too functional. But I’ve been conditioned to resist it.
I’m tired of being the independent woman.
This whole “I don’t need a man” lifestyle sounds empowering until the bills pile up, your health declines, and you realize you’re one flat tire away from a breakdown — financial and emotional.
We say we’re happily single, but how happy are we if we’re:
- Overworked
- Underpaid
- Stressed out
- Isolated
- And barely affording basic health needs?
I don’t think we were built for this.
We’re Not Supposed to Be Doing Life Alone
My mom was a single mother who worked three jobs. She developed chronic health issues from overworking. She told me not to be like her, but guess what? I followed the same path because it was all I saw.
She wanted me to be educated, independent, and self-reliant. And I am.
But I’m also tired, anxious, broke, overweight, emotionally guarded, and one trauma away from cat-lady status.
The Reality Behind the Independence Mask
Let’s be honest: Some of us aren’t single and empowered. We’re single and surviving.
We use the term “independent woman” as a shield. But behind it is:
- Pride
- Stubbornness
- Past trauma
- Financial pressure
- Mistrust of men
The perks? I get to walk into my house and breathe in my peace. No one gaslighting me under my own roof. No emotional labor to care for someone else’s ego. I don’t have to share my space.
But I also wasn’t prepared for what single life would cost.
Not just financially. But mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.
If you are enjoying the reading experience, you should read: The Rise of Fake Healed Men: Why Brutal Honesty Isn’t the Same as Growth 🪴
Somewhere Along the Way, We Got Lied To
I never said I didn’t need a man. That script was handed to me.
We were told:
“Don’t rely on a man. Get your degree. Get your bag. Be your own hero.”
But what if that script was just another form of control?
What if the strong, independent woman trope was designed to keep us alone, overwhelmed, and too exhausted to build anything with anyone?
Because now? I’m worn out. And yes, part of me still fears romantic partnership because of the potential:
- Lies
- Cheating
- Inconsistencies
- Disrespect
- Emotional chaos
But another part of me sees that maybe I was lied to about the power of doing everything alone.
Maybe what I need isn’t a boyfriend. Maybe it’s a roommate who’s emotionally unavailable, financially helpful, and doesn’t talk much.
Let’s call it “Independent Woman Lite.”
Because what I really want? It’s not independence. It’s ease.
-Teri Nickels (Originally discussed on Medium.com by Teri Nickels)
Are you navigating independent woman burnout too? Share your experience — because strength shouldn’t mean suffering in silence.
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