What If Your Clothes Speak Louder Than Your Words — Especially Through Grief?
Clothes don’t just cover the body. They reveal the mood, tell your story, and sometimes scream what your mouth refuses to say. In this deeply personal and slightly sarcastic piece, I’m unpacking why my oversized black scrubs are doing more talking than I am — and what that says about healing, grief, confidence, and the complicated signals we send to the world (and potential dates) through fashion.
Let’s Talk Grief, Scrubs, and Colorless Living
Since losing my mother in 2021, followed by my miniature poodle and the quiet disappearance of my grandfather from my daily life, I’ve been living in grief. And apparently, dressing in it too.
Black and grey scrubs have been my uniform. Not just for caregiving, but for life. And people noticed. My coworkers and clients have gently nudged me with, “You need more color in your life.” As in, literally. Because I haven’t worn anything but black or grey in years.
I’m not sad all the time. But let’s not pretend my fashion choices aren’t grieving for me. I used to be known for wearing the rainbow. My mom called me Punky Brewster. People complimented my confidence, not just my color coordination. I was expressive. I was seen.
But now, I’m hiding in neutral tones and oversized hoodies, and the silence is loud.
The Psychology of Dressing Yourself (or Disguising Yourself)
Color psychology is real. A 2004 study found that people respond more positively to pure colors than muted tones like grey and black. No wonder I feel invisible. And maybe less approachable. And maybe a little undateable.
But it’s not just about aesthetics. Clothing reflects:
- Mood
- Confidence
- Mental state
- Intentionality
In college, I dressed loudly. My personality matched. I stood out, not because I was trying to be sexy or stylish, but because I was embracing myself. Confidence radiated from my tie-dye tees and lime green lipstick. That self-expression attracted people. Friends. Compliments. And yes, even men. Some were intimidated. Some were intrigued. But I was always in control of the narrative.
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Then Life Happened (and So Did Slouchy Scrubs)
Grief has a way of shrinking you. My self-expression dulled down to practical, loose-fitting uniforms. There’s a difference between dressing for comfort and dressing in hiding. And I’ve been doing the latter. Every oversized hoodie says, “Please don’t notice me,” while I quietly long to be seen again.
But I’m not alone. One client’s wife, who I now call an angel on earth, noticed my dimmed light and gifted me scrubs in bright colors. Her words: “You are a flower ready to bloom.”
Maybe she’s right. Maybe this is me, blooming again. Slowly.
Can Clothing Affect Dating?
Absolutely.
From how you carry yourself to how inviting your energy feels, clothing screams signals. And yes, color plays a role.
I used to get approached when I wore clothes that popped. Not because they were tight or revealing — but because they reflected who I was inside. Now? Baggy, dark, tired clothes send a message. And it ain’t, “Date me.”
In relationships, clothing even sparks conflict. Some men say they love modest women, then cheat with the one in a bodycon dress and glitter heels. Some women say they want a laid-back guy, but get turned off by flashiness. We’re all contradictions wearing judgment.
The Modesty Debate & The Male Gaze
I grew up modest. Then college hit and cleavage became my new bestie. But now, I’m back to valuing comfort over cute. Not because I’m against dressing up, but because right now, emotional survival > fashion.
But let’s be honest: men and women both judge based on appearance. Men love women in anything until that woman is their girlfriend. Women say they want substance, but a man’s outfit can still be a dealbreaker.
Fashion hypocrisy is alive and well.
My Current Vibe: Colorful Spirit in a Black Hoodie
Under the surface, I’m still colorful. Still expressive. Still me. But it’s taking time to resurface. And that’s okay.
What we wear does matter. It communicates where we are emotionally, what we think of ourselves, and how we want others to treat us.
And for now, my style is evolving from “grief mode” to “blooming flower with a little edge.”
Because yes, your clothes can speak louder than your words.
And mine are finally ready to say something again.
Style isn’t about trends. It’s about truth. And your truth is always worth wearing.
-Teri Nickels (Originally discussed on Medium.com by Teri Nickels)
Do your clothes reflect who you are — or who you’re trying to protect? Drop a comment and tell me: What’s your real style story?
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